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Any NO response to the cognitive challenge means look for an internal resolution. You may be able to internally resolve your fear through how you think.
STOP WHAT IF THINKING.
As an internal belief system resolution, perhaps this is a sub-category of the Worst Case Scenario. Many people have a habit of looking for potential problems in life to worry about. Essentially, your ego is attempting to micro-manage life. The origin for this habit may date back to early childhood experience, which makes it a hard habit to break. So often, the beginning of a worry thought begins with “what if…” “What if I lose my job?” Even if you don’t specifically say the words “what if…” this resolution is for the worrier.
There is a simple strategy resolution for this tendency. Simply stated, you add an important word to the worry thought, “so.” “So what if that happens…if that happens, this would be my solution…” You say to yourself, “So what if ______ happens, in that case I could ______.” In other words, you reduce the intensity of the worry/fear by minimizing the significance with a realistic and reasonable solution that you believe in. “So what if I can’t finish this project, I can ask for an extension, it’s happened before?” “So what if I can’t find my way to their house, I can always call and ask for directions?” “So what if I lose my job, if that happens, I can always look for and find another one, I've done it before.”
Obviously, this is not the solution for all fears, but it can be effective with minor nagging worries. The Worst Case Scenario resolution encourages an external proactive nature, whereas this resolution is attempting to reduce your negative inner dialogue.
CREATE FLEXIBILITY.
Some individuals have difficulty in making decisions. One common reason for this difficulty is due to a basic (subconscious) fear of making the wrong choice. As a result, they tend to overanalyze the situation. Because they tend to regard choices as being either right or wrong, they tend to worry themselves into anxiety and panic. They tend to put off making decisions due to getting lost in the details, leaving them morally confused, bewildered and hopelessly bogged down in fear. They tend to ask others what to do, going from one opinion to the next in search of some perfect answer. Lacking in direction, these individuals would very much like to have a crystal ball.
They say that there are no guarantees in life. That is, there are no guarantees that any choice you make will produce an outcome just exactly like you want. The best any of us can do is to make informed choices and regard outcomes as being “more or less in my flexible life path direction” (instead of right or wrong). If you have already done the work of consciously establishing your belief system, then this fear resolution will work well. The right choice for any decision will be what is consistent with Your Own Best Interest (p. 76 WGPMBC); you make choices that are right for you, and are consistent with your values and self-image. Essentially, this resolution is about being flexible with yourself. It is about being able to roll with the punches. Be flexible to the extent that you can make a decision that is in Your Own Best Interest and modify it later as needed.
REDUCE FEAR & MISTRUST IN RELATIONSHIPS.
There is an implication that a team approach to a task would benefit both parties as opposed to going it alone. There is always some amount of risk involved when you rely on and cooperate with another party. The implied fear is that the other party will stop cooperating or want to go it alone again, either with, or without you. Trust, therefore, becomes the stabilizing force of the relationship. “I trust that we will continue to work together cooperatively toward the conditions of this union.”
Trust is arguably the most important component of any relationship. By contrast, when there is mistrust, it seems to affect all other components, and carries the most potential for painful feelings. To reduce this potential, change your concept of trust from being an all or nothing judgment about someone, and instead concern yourself with observations of their behavior in your experiences over time. Let the basis for your trust reside mostly in your perception of experience, and rely minimally on statements of intent. Simply put, hear the talk, but trust the walk.
Still, to be able to function relationally, you must be able to predict compliance with the conditions (expressed needs and wants) of the relationship. “I need to know what to expect from you.” Without a sense of trust, the relationship will eventually experience imbalance, chaos, sabotage, or failure. When trust is doubted, fear is generated, “If they don’t comply, there is danger ahead in terms of the success of this relationship, and I could get hurt.” Reducing your risk/fear in any relationship means that you do these things:
1. Assertively establish the conditions of the relationship (initially and ongoing).
2. As a result of those conditions, clearly establish the rules (policies).
3. Trust according to your observation of compliance with the rules over time.
Expect that building any kind of trust will require time and experience. The amount of time and the amount of experience will vary from circumstance to circumstance, however the formula remains the same:
TRUST = EXPERIENCE + TIME
KNOW REAL CONTROL.
Somewhat similar to “what if…” thinkers, controlling individuals want high amounts of control over life around them—situations, environments, and other people. When controlling individuals experience “what if” thinking, they resolve their worry/fear by trying to establish ways to control life.
What can we really control in life? We have ultimate control over how we choose to think about things, what we say, and what we do. Any other kind of complete control we think we have is an illusion. We simply do not have ultimate control over life. To the precise extent that we believe in the illusion of external control, we eventually become enslaved to the illusion. The more we think we can control, the more we want to control, and the more we worry about how to maintain control. This eventually leads to—things not going your way (mad), the perception of loss (sad), and much worry about keeping control (fear). With this resolution, I suggest that in order to reduce your worry/fear, you come to a realistic conclusion about the issue of control. “What can I realistically and reasonably do, and what can I not do?” (Perhaps use the cognitive challenge for fear.)
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