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Four YES responses to the cognitive challenge means look for an external resolution. You may be able to externally resolve your sadness through what you say or do.
HEALTHY DISAPPOINTMENT.
Some people have a habit of giving up too soon on what they want. Disappointment can be an important transition for people who quickly resign themselves to sadness due to learned helplessness.
Learned helplessness is generally created in early childhood. In childhood, you are dependent on the caretakers in your environment for survival. They had the power and authority to control your environment completely. If they denied the majority of your needs or wants over time, you would eventually conclude, quite logically, that it was a hopeless cause, and that you were helpless to effectively do anything about it. You learned that you should not consider your needs or wants because they are irrelevant.
This resolution is for those of us who “give up too soon.” Evaluate your loss with the cognitive challenge, before you give up.
The experience of disappointment can be a positive transition for those who are quick to leap into helplessness and sadness without going through an appropriate amount of problem solving. In other words, if you have been told that you “give up too soon,” you may want to try on a little disappointment for size. Take some time to go back and look at external mad resolutions for problem solving ideas (such as assertiveness) while wearing that disappointment.
TRANSFORM YOUR SADNESS.
Transforming the feeling of sad requires you to look beneath the sadness-based thinking to a subconscious level. Beneath sadness you may find a desire for things to stay the same, to maintain the status quo.
As you further explore your sadness, you may determine that it is actually related to a possible negative consequence. That is, “I am afraid to deal with the loss that I think is going to happen.” It would be far more helpful to begin dealing with this potential loss as a fear rather than sadness (go to fear resolutions).
If you determine that your sadness is due to how you behaved, “I’m not happy with how I did that, it was wrong, I've lost my self respect and dignity,” you will want to explore your guilt at some point rather than to conclude that all is lost with regard to your integrity (go to bad resolutions).
And finally, if you realize your sadness is due to stubborn resistance, “I didn’t ask for this and I just don’t want to deal with this loss,” you may want to look at dealing with this as anger (go to mad resolutions).
START OVER WITH SAD | FOUR FEELINGS INTRO | MANAGEMENT HOME PAGE
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